You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
