Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I party with great urgency now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
