my phone needs a breathalizer
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
