She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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