I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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