cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There are leaves in my underwear?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
