do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
