I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
