So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
