I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
