Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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