Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
