bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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