I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
