this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help