It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife