dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?