We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.