Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her