So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
