Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
