hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're too hungover to prance.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
