Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
this is an emotional support booty call
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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