I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
