i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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