I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize