Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
