she was so not down for the gang bang
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
