Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it's like heaven, but drunker
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
