My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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