Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
