Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
