I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
