i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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