He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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