I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
