I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
