I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
