Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
