dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
