She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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