She said her name was "party"
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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