just tell him i said nine months
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
