Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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