he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
