this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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