Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
