guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize