Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
