Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
