Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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