She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
that is very illegal...i love you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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