i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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