So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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