Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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