I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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