so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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