your thong is hanging out like whoa
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
