We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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