your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
