it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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