Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
