oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
