i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
