Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
MIDGETS
????
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
