I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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