You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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