god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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