she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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