she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
