At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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