Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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