I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
