god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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