bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
