So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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