Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?