My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
