You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
