You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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