and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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