census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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