just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
