My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
