break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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