Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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