I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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