Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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