Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
