Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
