then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
