You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
