Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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