Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?