I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize